Crap Us All

Thursday, June 23, 2011, 2:22 PM

Are you ready for the morning flight?

"I love you too"
now it may be in appropriate for me to blog this here
i don't even know who reads this, but i need to vent some things out
and I've always found it most comfortable to express myself when I'm with
honey bunch/crappets

It may seem unreasonable and maybe even cold of me to not
be able to return those four simple words, i see people in something so much
less stable admitting it to each other and i feel really awful because i haven't found the guts or security in us to do so and I'm sorry if it's disappointing. but the last thing i want to do is return the words because I'm pressured to, or because it's what's expected.I want to say it with comfort and an open heart.
Maybe I'm afraid i don't know. if it's one thing i hate it's expressing myself to another person (this is an exception)... especially my significant other, i hate being vulnerable, and feeling like a pathetic loser crying all alone in the end because the other person has played the best parts of me.
I've said it once to a person who's as good as a stranger now, if you ask me if i meant it. i'm not sure i was young i was afraid, he had just hurt me and i was afraid of losing him so i said it! i told him i loved him hoping he'd stay, hoping that for once i'd be wanted and accepted (which was stupid but you know when you're a teenager you just have this uncontrollable urge to fit in and do what everyone else was doing, and in my young 15 year old eyes i just wanted feel loved because i thought that was what everyone else was feeling) ... but boy was i wrong,he left and it hurt more than i expected because it was nothing like i imagined and expected or what i was told love should be like
I've just realized recently, that all my reasons for saying it was wrong.
I said it because i was afraid, and love should never be admitted because of fear
it may look like a really small event, immature decisions which shouldn't be pondered on or used as an even in concluding my outlook on life.
First scars are the deepest,i may have gotten over it, stopped hating him but there was no closure in what happened.
Added with many things it has made me doubt myself, what if i'm wrong again this time?
It may seem unfair and like i don't care about my current significant other enough to be sure and confident to say it, but I've been hurt by him before, I've been hurt by those four/three words, i guess i need time, i just need to be sure this isn't temporary, this isn't because I'm his last resort.
I hope he stays though, because i maybe unsure about many things.. but one thing is for sure i wouldn't want to be without him.... not voluntarily

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This blog consists of 4 best friends (cliche? i don't think so)
Aainaa
I stand on the sidelines, hidden in the background.
Alif
Sweet like honey.. Bitter like no other..
Crystal
Going on 17, female, mermaid :)
Stefanie
i love many crap and i'm not very nice.i sometimes shout and i love getting attention. i like the colour pink, and also i like celebrity gossips. and oh yeah, i hate miley cyrus and justin bieber.

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